PAWSitively Dachshunds!

DACHSHUND RULES

1.  The Dachshund is not allowed in the house.

2.  Okay, the Dachshund is allowed in the house,

but only in certain rooms.

3.  The Dachshund is allowed in all rooms,

but has to stay off the furniture.

4.  The Dachshund is only allowed

on the old furniture.

5.  Fine, the Dachshund is allowed on all the furniture,

but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

6.  All right, the Dachshund is allowed on the bed,

but only by invitation.

7.  The Dachshund can sleep on the bed whenever he wants,

but not under the covers.

8.  The Dachshund can sleep under the covers every night.

9.  Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers

with the Dachshund!

10.  In all cases of dispute... the Dachshund rules!

You Know You're In A Dachshund House When....

1 Every purse and coat pocket is rifled when you walk through the door.
2 The bed has sausage shaped lumps under the covers.
3 The doggie door is only 8" high.
4 You're face gets licked by a dog standing on the back of the couch.
5 When you come into the house after being away only minutes and you are greeted like you've been gone for 10 years.
6 When someone hands you a tennis ball as soon as you walk in the door.
7 When the owner's introduce their Dachshund as their oldest son/daughter.
8 Footstools are placed strategically around the furniture and bed.
9 The house is decorated with Dachshund items.
10 The owner is decorated with Dachshund items.
11 Gates are placed in each doorway.
12 After the doorbell rings, you can't hear a thing for 10 minutes.
13 The alarm clock is set for HIS wake up time.
14 Dachshund "nose art" is proudly displayed on each window.
15 There are at least 45 balls laying around the house.
16 All socks, underwear, and shoes have holes in them.
17 The sign outside the house says, "Dachshund Lovers Parking Only."
18 You have to look before you take a step.
19 All squeak toys no long have squeaking ability.
20 The doors to many rooms must remain closed.
21 The owner's bed never remains made.
22 Rugs and furniture are all dark colors.
23 The cat litter box magically cleans itself.
24 You will find dogs instead of clothes in the laundry basket.
25 When you arrive, you find the living room covered with chewed up toilet paper rolls, Kleenex, etc…
26 All snow is shoveled from the yard to protect the "Ta-Ta's" of male Dachshunds.
27 You notice small fox holes in the yard.
28 You are kindly told not to eat the green beans and carrots because they are for the dogs.
29 Toy boxes are bone shaped.
30 All waste baskets and trash cans are elevated at least 3 ft. from the ground.
31 There is a Bissel Green Machine always within reach.
32 A cupboard is full of tiny clothes that were purchased before the owner realized that Dachshunds would rather remain nudists.
33 Company doesn't come around much anymore.
34 The owner talks a lot about getting a super king-sized bed.
35 The living room looks like it's covered with snow due to the batting which came out of de-stuffed toys.
36 Blankets cover each piece of furniture for better burrowing purposes.
37 The owner had no food yet his Dachshund has plenty of premium dog food.
38 The mailman is warned, "Watch out our he'll bite a hole in your sock."
39 The mailman passes a brightly colored card to other mailmen saying, "A dangerous animal lives inside. Do not use mail slot."
40 Bricks are placed inside trash cans so they don't get tipped over.
41 The Dachshund gets kisses before the owner's significant other.
42 The owner runs around looking for a "sitter" if they're going to be gone for more than a few hours.
43 It is too dangerous to walk around the house without shoes because of partly chewed up Nyla-Bones.
44 Little blue pee-pads are placed by the back door.
45 You notice that The Dachshund's receive more Christmas presents than human kids.
46 All the owner's computer "favorites" are Dachshund relate.
47 The grass is mowed very very very short.
48 There is always plenty of toilet paper to pick up poops.
49 The owner's bed is covered with no less than 4 gutted toys, 3 balls, and 2 nyla-bones.
50 You are immediately told not to sit in the dog's chair.
-Unknown Author

How God Made Dachshunds

God made a little dachsie
to brighten up our day
He took a bit of sunshine
Laughter, love, and play
and rolled it up in a sausage shape
just right for a hug,
with bright eyes full of mischief
set in its little mug.
With little paws a pattering,
to take it here and there
and a cold wet nose but then He thought,
"Oh, what about the hair?
Shall I make it long and silky,
or wiry, that's so sweet,
or make it simple, and have it smooth
and satiny and neat?
And what about the color?
How can I pick just one?
Shall it be black, or red or brown
or dappled, just for fun?"
He pondered while He made the world,
And all creatures great and small 
And then the answer came to Him 
"OF COURSE!  I'll make them ALL!!"
So remember that a dachshund
is special, from above -
His coat of many colors
is a sign of God's great Love. 

                                                                                                         -Anonymous